Goosing The Gossip: Je Suis Journaliste!

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Hurrah! We finally have an answer to that age old question, ‘if a tree falls…’, albeit with a modern twist.

If Stan Collymore tweets about Manchester United, but he has blocked every Manchester United fan, can they hear it? Apparently Stan – and there’s no reason to doubt this whatsoever – is now a clued up source at Old Trafford, telling us Jose Mourinho will make two more ‘marquee’ signings. Considering everyone knows that United are in the market for two more players, likely a winger and a midfielder, the only issue here is the definition of marquee.

Does marquee refer to the stature of the player or the fee? We would ask, but we were blocked by Stan quicker than you can say ‘Je Suis Journaliste!’

It shouldn’t be missed that United confirmed the signing of Lukaku yesterday, at around 5pm. The striker will wear number 9. The real news however appears to be who got the ‘exclusive’ interview with him as a United player first, was it NBC, was it ESPN, and who cares? Our money is on it being United, considering they were the ones who concluded the deal and so were in a confident position to announce the ‘first interview’. Up until that point it could have all gone a bit Paul Ince and if you don’t know what that means…

Bakayoko and Dier are in the headlines again, while Roma have apparently asked about loaning Anthony Martial, but for us the most noteworthy news comes from the Star (we know), who have said that Zlatan Ibrahimovic will not be offered a short term contract at United, which is probably an investigative conclusion from the above ‘number 9’ news.

In summary, a whole lot of nothing.

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